The Price is Right

It's been a while since I've remembered enough of a dream to blog about!

In dreamland, I was living in a hospital with Kyle. One day, a patient, who I think was more than a little crazy, came into our room to invite us to his play. It was basically going to be him on the Price is Right for three hours. In play form. And for some reason I was totally psyched to go.

We headed to the hospital's theater (because of course these things exist), and we had to get checked out before we were allowed in. The nurse took a blood sample from me and said, "Your stackiolites are really high." Note: She did not say stackiolites, I just made that word up. I don't remember exactly what she said was high, but it definitely was not a real thing).

So when she told me that, I kind of brushed her off and said "oh, well I did cut my thumb today and lost a lot of blood," (Fun fact: I actually did give my thumb a pretty decent cut on the blade of a food processor last night. It's not stitches-worthy, but my husband  put a bandage on it and reinforced it with scotch tape).

Anyway, then someone behind me in line said "You had a baby today, too!" and I said "Oh, yeah, I did have a baby today" and someone else said "And you threw up!" and I was like "Right, I forgot about that!" (Fun fact: Neither of those things actually happened in the last 24 hours).

So the nurse gave me a weird look and said, "Are you okay?" And I said, "Well, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little woozy," and I passed out.

I woke up (not really -- in the dream) back in my hospital bed and my husband and I had to miss The Price is Right play. It was so sad.

Plants and Bugs

 Last night's dream was all about the great outdoors invading the great indoors. 

I lived in this really nice chalet in the middle of the woods. I had company for a few days -- don't quite remember who all was there. But someone had been in the basement shower for a long time (we're talking days), and my mother-in-law somehow let me know that it wasn't a person in there, it was a plant. And I swear to you, I heard ominous music playing as my imagination did a slow zoom into the basement shower, where there was a plant from the action-strategy game Plants Vs. Zombies taking a shower.

Specifically, one of these guys. 

So I was brainstorming on how to get this thing out of my shower when someone else (do not remember who), informed me that there were bugs invading the house through the front and back gardens. So we split up, and I went to the backyard with a spray bottle and started hunting around for these bugs.

For the longest time, I didn't see any. Then, gradually, I started seeing them everywhere. 

They looked like this, except they were green. I chose to post an illustration instead of the real thing, because the real pictures were grossing me out. You're welcome.

The more I sprayed, the more came up out of the dirt, like a terrifying version of Whack-a-Mole. At one point, I got out my vacuum cleaner and ran it over the garden, but they were still alive and crawling around everywhere in the canister, so I gave up on that. I just couldn't get rid of them fast enough. Just when I was really starting to panic, I woke up.

The Walking Dead

Another creepy dream that makes me question my sanity, I'm afraid.

Saturday night I had a dream that I was a member of the crew from "The Walking Dead," that really awesome show on AMC that starts up again in a week or so.

We came into this old, scary house and were quietly exploring it. There were cats everywhere. Not adorable, happy little cats, but sickly and bald and just awful looking. We went into the basement and there was this woman tied up in this water tank. I pointed her out to Rick Grimes, and he was all "We can't trust anyone, just leave her!" but I ran up to her and, using a rusty pair of scissors, cut her free. By the way, her hands were tied up behind her with rubber bands. Random fun fact.

As soon as her hands were free, she leaned forward and all of the water gushed out of the tank so she could breathe again. She started to thank me, but I just pushed her back and held the scissors up to her, and asked who she was and why she was tied up.

I wish I could say I was a total badass, but to be honest my voice came out all weak and shaking, and I wasn't very threatening. She looked really scared and just said she didn't remember anything that happened to her, and I believed her. My group started to leave when Rick pushed open this door I hadn't seen before.

Inside there were like four men that kind of resembled skeletons. They didn't even look up when we opened the door. One of them was missing a leg. And they were cannibals.

So I freaked out and was like "Guys, let's go, we've gotta get out of here," and I started to run away, but no one else was following me, they were just staring at these crazies. I didn't want to leave my group, so I kept saying, "Nothing good can come from this, let's go!" and Rick was like "We might be able to use them for something."

I was really scared and just wanted to put as much distance between myself and the house as possible, but that's when I woke up.

I need better dreams.

James Marsden

Last night I had a dream I was sitting in the bathtub, fully dressed in my work clothes, in four inches of water, cleaning my daughter's baby tub (which is actually something I've been meaning to get around to).

I was trying not to get my clothes wet, which was difficult because like I said, I was actually sitting in the water. So I was scrubbing away at this baby tub, and at the exact moment I lose my balance, James Marsden walked in.

So I was lying down in this bathtub, covered with another bathtub, with completely drenched work clothes. ...Did I describe that right?

James Marsden didn't seem at all surprised to see me there, he just talked to me like we were old friends and thanked me again for inviting him to this wedding tonight (in the dream, not in real life). I was kind of starstruck, but tried to play it cool.

The only other thing I remember is little snippets of this wedding with my family and James Marsden, who was just so thrilled to be hanging out with us.

James Marsden is a very handsome man, and I think he's a decent actor, but I have no idea where this came from. Although this was a nice change of pace from the dreams I have been having lately!

Threats

Last night I had a dream that my ex was harassing me. He kept coming over to my house and asking me what was new with me. I had my reasons for not wanting to tell him much about my personal life so I just told him the names of some people that I work with. Then he kept pressing me about what else I was up to so I was like "I went to the supermarket today." And he interrupted me and said "Pfft, groceries. I'm going to be a doctor!" 

I don't know. 

So some time passed and he sent me a letter threatening my coworkers if I didn't go to the supermarket and return the groceries. So I immediately went back to the store and was racing through the aisles with my grocery cart (which I guess I hadn't bothered unloading?). I was barreling people over and at one point I overheard a woman on her cell phone saying, "There's a crazy woman running people down at the grocery store. You'll know when you see her. She has blonde hair and is wearing black leather boots."

I looked down and saw that I was wearing brown leather sandals, but I somehow knew she was referring to me. So I slowed down and tried to act natural. I went down a long, isolated hallway to get to the customer service desk and saw that there were three cops following me. And one of them put a gun up to my back and said, "Just keep walking."

So I was scared out of my mind, but I did as I was told. And we got into this empty room, and the two other officers said to the one who had the gun on me, "You got this?" And he nodded at them to go and that he'd "handle it."

When they were gone, he said, "Back up and lean against the stairs like I'm threatening you. But it's going to be okay, I've seen this happen way too many times." 

Then he started comforting me about hazardous relationships and how I shouldn't have to put up with people pushing me around and threatening me. It was in the middle of this speech that a burlesque show came in the room. For the record, it wasn't a risqué burlesque group...they just had some fabulous costumes.

I noticed there were several people I knew coming in, and I really didn't want them to see me, so the cop helped me duck behind a wall. They were about to start their routine when I woke up.

College Schedule

I had a dream I was going back to college for my final year. Even though I graduated six years ago, I still have college dreams all the time. Usually I'm late for an exam for a class I forgot to attend all year. But not this time.

I picked up my class schedule and I was really excited because I had four classes:

3:00 p.m. English

5:00 p.m. Characters Depicted in Watership Down (One of my favorite books, so a class in which all we do is discuss bunnies sounds fantastic to me).

7:00 p.m. I don't remember what was slotted here, but it was something fun, like canoeing or scrapbooking.

8:00 p.m. Evening Walks. Seriously! A class where you take walks around campus!

I was a little bummed that my classes started so late, because I prefer getting school and work out of the way early. But I mean, take a look at that schedule....not all that stressful. So I didn't mind too much. :)

Polar Bears & a Dishwashing Mistake

I had a dream last night that I was still working in the AmeriCorps*VISTA program (which I did a year of service for about six years ago). I know I had all my old job responsibilities, because at one point I was gathering all my supplies to train a group of people. 

So my job was basically the same, except I had to occasionally go into the Alaskan wilderness to check on polar bears. I had all this gear I had to put on, including a huge orange jacket so the polar bears would see me coming and not get spooked. Note: The polar bears were extremely dangerous. Like, this was serious business. 

I remember trekking into the void a couple of times (and had a few close calls). Then the dream kind of dissolved and I was in this restaurant kitchen and for some reason I had put all my Harry Potter books in the dishwasher. I remember taking them out one by one and the covers were completely destroyed and half the book was ripped out. I was devastated. And I looked over at the chef at one point and said "I should have taken the covers off first." 

I don't think that would have made the condition of the books any less destroyed, but it made sense at the time.