Animal Parade

Last night I dreamed...

I was at my parents' house, and it was like 3:00 in the morning. I was looking out the window and I saw a couple of peacocks walk by. And I thought, "Wow, that's neat. It's pretty rare to see a peacock in the wild." Then a flamingo walked by. Then a raccoon.

At this point, I was getting a little suspicious. So I looked down the road toward where they were walking, and there were HUNDREDS of animals walking down this path! Dozens of peacocks and flamingos, but also a couple bears, some moose, deer, and squirrels, just to name a few.

I don't know how I came to this realization, but I figured out that the reason this animal parade was going on was that someone had done a geocache treasure hunt, and pushed a button once they found the geocache's location. Which triggered the animal parade.

Unfortunately, that's all I remember.

Birthday Party

Last night I dreamed...

It was my daughter's first birthday party, and we were having it at my cousins house for some reason. I was so worried that no one was going to show up, but pretty soon we had a full house. But then I started to notice that hardly any of the people who had RSVP'd were actually there, including some pretty important people (like my brother and sister-in-law). Oh, and my daughter was yet to arrive.

The party started at noon, so when 2:00 rolled around, I told Kyle that maybe he should call his mom and see where they were (his parents were supposed to bring my daughter to the party). So he called them and they said they would be there at 3:00. And I was very upset, because people were already getting antsy and the party would definitely be over by 3:00 and my daughter would have missed the whole thing.

I had already killed a lot of time by opening all the presents, so my mom, dangerously optimistic person that she is, decided to liven things up by making up a game on the spot. Everyone was sitting at three tables. She organized the presents by "books," "toys," and "other," placing each category on a separate table. Then she would shout out a present ("BABY DOLL!") and everyone was supposed to run to the "toys" table where the baby doll was.

Bless her heart, my mom was so excited about this terrible game that no one wanted to play. She kept screaming out presents and no one would move and my mom would not give it up.

Fortunately, I woke up soon after that.

Pies & Nuns

Last night I dreamed....

I got a call from my mom, who was out buying new light fixtures for the house. She asked me,

"What kind of pie? Vanilla, cherry, or pumpkin?"

"What are you talking about?

"Oh, for the light fixtures! They've got these really cute lights here that are all shaped like different pies. I thought we could have a different pie in each room."

"I don't know if that would look good."

"Trust me, they're so cute. The kids will love them."

"But I'm almost 30."

"What kind of pie?"

"Vanilla."

Meanwhile, I had a few friends and some family over, and three nuns stopped by. My family was super pumped that these nuns were here. And they weren't the nuns you imagine when you think of nuns...they were all really young and kind of college-girly. If that makes sense.

I'm almost afraid to put this out there, but please remember that I can't help what I dream, and that it does not reflect how I feel about things in real life. But my family wanted to go through this ritual with the nuns where they sprayed pepper spray in all their mouths and followed it up with turning the fire extinguishers on them.

.......So that happened.

Kidnapping, Snow, & a Birthday Party

Last night I dreamt that my sister took my baby daughter without my permission, and my husband and I were driving after them in a cop car to get her back. Kyle was driving, so he turned on the sirens and pulled up right next to her, but she just sped up and we got stuck at a red light (because even when your daughter is kidnapped, you have to obey the laws of traffic).

We finally got to my sister's house and were looking everywhere for them. My daughter was just hanging out on the living room floor. My sister walked in as I was scooping her up and acted like everything was normal, but I was still mad at her, so Kyle and I left. When we got to the car, we realized that we had left the windows open and it was filled with snow, even though it was warm out and we were wearing t-shirts. So we had to clear out the car and clean it before we could go home.

When we got back, we hosted Molly's first birthday party (which is actually coming up later this month), but hardly anyone showed up. And the few people who did show up filled out reviews about how the party went. And apparently they thought the party was lame. So I hope that doesn't reflect her actual party.

The Price is Right

It's been a while since I've remembered enough of a dream to blog about!

In dreamland, I was living in a hospital with Kyle. One day, a patient, who I think was more than a little crazy, came into our room to invite us to his play. It was basically going to be him on the Price is Right for three hours. In play form. And for some reason I was totally psyched to go.

We headed to the hospital's theater (because of course these things exist), and we had to get checked out before we were allowed in. The nurse took a blood sample from me and said, "Your stackiolites are really high." Note: She did not say stackiolites, I just made that word up. I don't remember exactly what she said was high, but it definitely was not a real thing).

So when she told me that, I kind of brushed her off and said "oh, well I did cut my thumb today and lost a lot of blood," (Fun fact: I actually did give my thumb a pretty decent cut on the blade of a food processor last night. It's not stitches-worthy, but my husband  put a bandage on it and reinforced it with scotch tape).

Anyway, then someone behind me in line said "You had a baby today, too!" and I said "Oh, yeah, I did have a baby today" and someone else said "And you threw up!" and I was like "Right, I forgot about that!" (Fun fact: Neither of those things actually happened in the last 24 hours).

So the nurse gave me a weird look and said, "Are you okay?" And I said, "Well, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little woozy," and I passed out.

I woke up (not really -- in the dream) back in my hospital bed and my husband and I had to miss The Price is Right play. It was so sad.

Plants and Bugs

 Last night's dream was all about the great outdoors invading the great indoors. 

I lived in this really nice chalet in the middle of the woods. I had company for a few days -- don't quite remember who all was there. But someone had been in the basement shower for a long time (we're talking days), and my mother-in-law somehow let me know that it wasn't a person in there, it was a plant. And I swear to you, I heard ominous music playing as my imagination did a slow zoom into the basement shower, where there was a plant from the action-strategy game Plants Vs. Zombies taking a shower.

Specifically, one of these guys. 

So I was brainstorming on how to get this thing out of my shower when someone else (do not remember who), informed me that there were bugs invading the house through the front and back gardens. So we split up, and I went to the backyard with a spray bottle and started hunting around for these bugs.

For the longest time, I didn't see any. Then, gradually, I started seeing them everywhere. 

They looked like this, except they were green. I chose to post an illustration instead of the real thing, because the real pictures were grossing me out. You're welcome.

The more I sprayed, the more came up out of the dirt, like a terrifying version of Whack-a-Mole. At one point, I got out my vacuum cleaner and ran it over the garden, but they were still alive and crawling around everywhere in the canister, so I gave up on that. I just couldn't get rid of them fast enough. Just when I was really starting to panic, I woke up.

The Walking Dead

Another creepy dream that makes me question my sanity, I'm afraid.

Saturday night I had a dream that I was a member of the crew from "The Walking Dead," that really awesome show on AMC that starts up again in a week or so.

We came into this old, scary house and were quietly exploring it. There were cats everywhere. Not adorable, happy little cats, but sickly and bald and just awful looking. We went into the basement and there was this woman tied up in this water tank. I pointed her out to Rick Grimes, and he was all "We can't trust anyone, just leave her!" but I ran up to her and, using a rusty pair of scissors, cut her free. By the way, her hands were tied up behind her with rubber bands. Random fun fact.

As soon as her hands were free, she leaned forward and all of the water gushed out of the tank so she could breathe again. She started to thank me, but I just pushed her back and held the scissors up to her, and asked who she was and why she was tied up.

I wish I could say I was a total badass, but to be honest my voice came out all weak and shaking, and I wasn't very threatening. She looked really scared and just said she didn't remember anything that happened to her, and I believed her. My group started to leave when Rick pushed open this door I hadn't seen before.

Inside there were like four men that kind of resembled skeletons. They didn't even look up when we opened the door. One of them was missing a leg. And they were cannibals.

So I freaked out and was like "Guys, let's go, we've gotta get out of here," and I started to run away, but no one else was following me, they were just staring at these crazies. I didn't want to leave my group, so I kept saying, "Nothing good can come from this, let's go!" and Rick was like "We might be able to use them for something."

I was really scared and just wanted to put as much distance between myself and the house as possible, but that's when I woke up.

I need better dreams.