1. In the first one, I saw a hair straightener sitting in the middle of nowhere. And I thought "Oh, how convenient. It’s already plugged in and I haven’t straightened my hair yet today." So I started using it on my hair, and then I realized it was curling my hair, not straightening it. But I kept using it because my hair never curls and this was actually working and I was curious about how my hair would turn out.
And it turned out my hair looked absolutely ridiculous. It was sticking out like a foot in every direction. So I went to wash my hair, and as soon as water touched it I realized my hair was falling out where I had curled it. And I was really scared, but I reasoned with myself that I couldn’t just not touch it for the rest of my life – it was coming out regardless. So I pulled out all the loose chunks of hair, thinking "maybe it’ll look like a nice pixie cut."
And it turned out that it did NOT look like a nice pixie cut. I looked like a creepy man who had people locked in his basement. It looked like I had a receding hairline and it was so choppy and uneven in the back, not to mention singed from the curling iron. And it was devastating. And that’s when I woke up.
2. In my second dream, I dreamt that Kyle (the hubs) and I decided to get tattoos. And I’ve never liked the idea of getting a tattoo, but in my dream I was PUMPED about it. So I got three. The one on my right arm was about me, my friends at college, and the college newspaper I used to work for. The one on my left arm was about Kyle, and it had his graduation date and date of birth and stuff. And then I had one on my stomach that was just a picture of Molly’s (my baby daughter's) head. And all three of these tattoos were ENORMOUS, took up my entire arms and stomach. And as soon as it was done, I started screaming, and I distinctly remember this, "CONTROL Z! CONTROL Z!" But then I remembered that this was not a computer program, and that tattoos are relatively permanent. And Kyle got the bill and it came to $11,500 and we were freaking out. So I examined my tattoos more closely:
- The one all about me on my right arm was full of grammar mistakes. Everything was spelled wrong. So I told the lady who did it that this was not what I paid for, and I screamed "DO YOU REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS FOR A GRAMMAR SNOB?" So I got that tattoo for free, plus I convinced her to laser it off for free. One down.
- I realized that Kyle's graduation date was off by one year on my left arm, so I got that done and removed for free as well.
- But the one on my stomach was just a huge picture of Molly’s face. And while I did not like the tattoo, it felt really awkward asking someone to remove my daughter’s face from my stomach.
