Animal Parade

Last night I dreamed...

I was at my parents' house, and it was like 3:00 in the morning. I was looking out the window and I saw a couple of peacocks walk by. And I thought, "Wow, that's neat. It's pretty rare to see a peacock in the wild." Then a flamingo walked by. Then a raccoon.

At this point, I was getting a little suspicious. So I looked down the road toward where they were walking, and there were HUNDREDS of animals walking down this path! Dozens of peacocks and flamingos, but also a couple bears, some moose, deer, and squirrels, just to name a few.

I don't know how I came to this realization, but I figured out that the reason this animal parade was going on was that someone had done a geocache treasure hunt, and pushed a button once they found the geocache's location. Which triggered the animal parade.

Unfortunately, that's all I remember.

Birthday Party

Last night I dreamed...

It was my daughter's first birthday party, and we were having it at my cousins house for some reason. I was so worried that no one was going to show up, but pretty soon we had a full house. But then I started to notice that hardly any of the people who had RSVP'd were actually there, including some pretty important people (like my brother and sister-in-law). Oh, and my daughter was yet to arrive.

The party started at noon, so when 2:00 rolled around, I told Kyle that maybe he should call his mom and see where they were (his parents were supposed to bring my daughter to the party). So he called them and they said they would be there at 3:00. And I was very upset, because people were already getting antsy and the party would definitely be over by 3:00 and my daughter would have missed the whole thing.

I had already killed a lot of time by opening all the presents, so my mom, dangerously optimistic person that she is, decided to liven things up by making up a game on the spot. Everyone was sitting at three tables. She organized the presents by "books," "toys," and "other," placing each category on a separate table. Then she would shout out a present ("BABY DOLL!") and everyone was supposed to run to the "toys" table where the baby doll was.

Bless her heart, my mom was so excited about this terrible game that no one wanted to play. She kept screaming out presents and no one would move and my mom would not give it up.

Fortunately, I woke up soon after that.

Pies & Nuns

Last night I dreamed....

I got a call from my mom, who was out buying new light fixtures for the house. She asked me,

"What kind of pie? Vanilla, cherry, or pumpkin?"

"What are you talking about?

"Oh, for the light fixtures! They've got these really cute lights here that are all shaped like different pies. I thought we could have a different pie in each room."

"I don't know if that would look good."

"Trust me, they're so cute. The kids will love them."

"But I'm almost 30."

"What kind of pie?"

"Vanilla."

Meanwhile, I had a few friends and some family over, and three nuns stopped by. My family was super pumped that these nuns were here. And they weren't the nuns you imagine when you think of nuns...they were all really young and kind of college-girly. If that makes sense.

I'm almost afraid to put this out there, but please remember that I can't help what I dream, and that it does not reflect how I feel about things in real life. But my family wanted to go through this ritual with the nuns where they sprayed pepper spray in all their mouths and followed it up with turning the fire extinguishers on them.

.......So that happened.

Kidnapping, Snow, & a Birthday Party

Last night I dreamt that my sister took my baby daughter without my permission, and my husband and I were driving after them in a cop car to get her back. Kyle was driving, so he turned on the sirens and pulled up right next to her, but she just sped up and we got stuck at a red light (because even when your daughter is kidnapped, you have to obey the laws of traffic).

We finally got to my sister's house and were looking everywhere for them. My daughter was just hanging out on the living room floor. My sister walked in as I was scooping her up and acted like everything was normal, but I was still mad at her, so Kyle and I left. When we got to the car, we realized that we had left the windows open and it was filled with snow, even though it was warm out and we were wearing t-shirts. So we had to clear out the car and clean it before we could go home.

When we got back, we hosted Molly's first birthday party (which is actually coming up later this month), but hardly anyone showed up. And the few people who did show up filled out reviews about how the party went. And apparently they thought the party was lame. So I hope that doesn't reflect her actual party.

The Price is Right

It's been a while since I've remembered enough of a dream to blog about!

In dreamland, I was living in a hospital with Kyle. One day, a patient, who I think was more than a little crazy, came into our room to invite us to his play. It was basically going to be him on the Price is Right for three hours. In play form. And for some reason I was totally psyched to go.

We headed to the hospital's theater (because of course these things exist), and we had to get checked out before we were allowed in. The nurse took a blood sample from me and said, "Your stackiolites are really high." Note: She did not say stackiolites, I just made that word up. I don't remember exactly what she said was high, but it definitely was not a real thing).

So when she told me that, I kind of brushed her off and said "oh, well I did cut my thumb today and lost a lot of blood," (Fun fact: I actually did give my thumb a pretty decent cut on the blade of a food processor last night. It's not stitches-worthy, but my husband  put a bandage on it and reinforced it with scotch tape).

Anyway, then someone behind me in line said "You had a baby today, too!" and I said "Oh, yeah, I did have a baby today" and someone else said "And you threw up!" and I was like "Right, I forgot about that!" (Fun fact: Neither of those things actually happened in the last 24 hours).

So the nurse gave me a weird look and said, "Are you okay?" And I said, "Well, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little woozy," and I passed out.

I woke up (not really -- in the dream) back in my hospital bed and my husband and I had to miss The Price is Right play. It was so sad.

Plants and Bugs

 Last night's dream was all about the great outdoors invading the great indoors. 

I lived in this really nice chalet in the middle of the woods. I had company for a few days -- don't quite remember who all was there. But someone had been in the basement shower for a long time (we're talking days), and my mother-in-law somehow let me know that it wasn't a person in there, it was a plant. And I swear to you, I heard ominous music playing as my imagination did a slow zoom into the basement shower, where there was a plant from the action-strategy game Plants Vs. Zombies taking a shower.

Specifically, one of these guys. 

So I was brainstorming on how to get this thing out of my shower when someone else (do not remember who), informed me that there were bugs invading the house through the front and back gardens. So we split up, and I went to the backyard with a spray bottle and started hunting around for these bugs.

For the longest time, I didn't see any. Then, gradually, I started seeing them everywhere. 

They looked like this, except they were green. I chose to post an illustration instead of the real thing, because the real pictures were grossing me out. You're welcome.

The more I sprayed, the more came up out of the dirt, like a terrifying version of Whack-a-Mole. At one point, I got out my vacuum cleaner and ran it over the garden, but they were still alive and crawling around everywhere in the canister, so I gave up on that. I just couldn't get rid of them fast enough. Just when I was really starting to panic, I woke up.

The Walking Dead

Another creepy dream that makes me question my sanity, I'm afraid.

Saturday night I had a dream that I was a member of the crew from "The Walking Dead," that really awesome show on AMC that starts up again in a week or so.

We came into this old, scary house and were quietly exploring it. There were cats everywhere. Not adorable, happy little cats, but sickly and bald and just awful looking. We went into the basement and there was this woman tied up in this water tank. I pointed her out to Rick Grimes, and he was all "We can't trust anyone, just leave her!" but I ran up to her and, using a rusty pair of scissors, cut her free. By the way, her hands were tied up behind her with rubber bands. Random fun fact.

As soon as her hands were free, she leaned forward and all of the water gushed out of the tank so she could breathe again. She started to thank me, but I just pushed her back and held the scissors up to her, and asked who she was and why she was tied up.

I wish I could say I was a total badass, but to be honest my voice came out all weak and shaking, and I wasn't very threatening. She looked really scared and just said she didn't remember anything that happened to her, and I believed her. My group started to leave when Rick pushed open this door I hadn't seen before.

Inside there were like four men that kind of resembled skeletons. They didn't even look up when we opened the door. One of them was missing a leg. And they were cannibals.

So I freaked out and was like "Guys, let's go, we've gotta get out of here," and I started to run away, but no one else was following me, they were just staring at these crazies. I didn't want to leave my group, so I kept saying, "Nothing good can come from this, let's go!" and Rick was like "We might be able to use them for something."

I was really scared and just wanted to put as much distance between myself and the house as possible, but that's when I woke up.

I need better dreams.

James Marsden

Last night I had a dream I was sitting in the bathtub, fully dressed in my work clothes, in four inches of water, cleaning my daughter's baby tub (which is actually something I've been meaning to get around to).

I was trying not to get my clothes wet, which was difficult because like I said, I was actually sitting in the water. So I was scrubbing away at this baby tub, and at the exact moment I lose my balance, James Marsden walked in.

So I was lying down in this bathtub, covered with another bathtub, with completely drenched work clothes. ...Did I describe that right?

James Marsden didn't seem at all surprised to see me there, he just talked to me like we were old friends and thanked me again for inviting him to this wedding tonight (in the dream, not in real life). I was kind of starstruck, but tried to play it cool.

The only other thing I remember is little snippets of this wedding with my family and James Marsden, who was just so thrilled to be hanging out with us.

James Marsden is a very handsome man, and I think he's a decent actor, but I have no idea where this came from. Although this was a nice change of pace from the dreams I have been having lately!

Threats

Last night I had a dream that my ex was harassing me. He kept coming over to my house and asking me what was new with me. I had my reasons for not wanting to tell him much about my personal life so I just told him the names of some people that I work with. Then he kept pressing me about what else I was up to so I was like "I went to the supermarket today." And he interrupted me and said "Pfft, groceries. I'm going to be a doctor!" 

I don't know. 

So some time passed and he sent me a letter threatening my coworkers if I didn't go to the supermarket and return the groceries. So I immediately went back to the store and was racing through the aisles with my grocery cart (which I guess I hadn't bothered unloading?). I was barreling people over and at one point I overheard a woman on her cell phone saying, "There's a crazy woman running people down at the grocery store. You'll know when you see her. She has blonde hair and is wearing black leather boots."

I looked down and saw that I was wearing brown leather sandals, but I somehow knew she was referring to me. So I slowed down and tried to act natural. I went down a long, isolated hallway to get to the customer service desk and saw that there were three cops following me. And one of them put a gun up to my back and said, "Just keep walking."

So I was scared out of my mind, but I did as I was told. And we got into this empty room, and the two other officers said to the one who had the gun on me, "You got this?" And he nodded at them to go and that he'd "handle it."

When they were gone, he said, "Back up and lean against the stairs like I'm threatening you. But it's going to be okay, I've seen this happen way too many times." 

Then he started comforting me about hazardous relationships and how I shouldn't have to put up with people pushing me around and threatening me. It was in the middle of this speech that a burlesque show came in the room. For the record, it wasn't a risqué burlesque group...they just had some fabulous costumes.

I noticed there were several people I knew coming in, and I really didn't want them to see me, so the cop helped me duck behind a wall. They were about to start their routine when I woke up.

College Schedule

I had a dream I was going back to college for my final year. Even though I graduated six years ago, I still have college dreams all the time. Usually I'm late for an exam for a class I forgot to attend all year. But not this time.

I picked up my class schedule and I was really excited because I had four classes:

3:00 p.m. English

5:00 p.m. Characters Depicted in Watership Down (One of my favorite books, so a class in which all we do is discuss bunnies sounds fantastic to me).

7:00 p.m. I don't remember what was slotted here, but it was something fun, like canoeing or scrapbooking.

8:00 p.m. Evening Walks. Seriously! A class where you take walks around campus!

I was a little bummed that my classes started so late, because I prefer getting school and work out of the way early. But I mean, take a look at that schedule....not all that stressful. So I didn't mind too much. :)

Polar Bears & a Dishwashing Mistake

I had a dream last night that I was still working in the AmeriCorps*VISTA program (which I did a year of service for about six years ago). I know I had all my old job responsibilities, because at one point I was gathering all my supplies to train a group of people. 

So my job was basically the same, except I had to occasionally go into the Alaskan wilderness to check on polar bears. I had all this gear I had to put on, including a huge orange jacket so the polar bears would see me coming and not get spooked. Note: The polar bears were extremely dangerous. Like, this was serious business. 

I remember trekking into the void a couple of times (and had a few close calls). Then the dream kind of dissolved and I was in this restaurant kitchen and for some reason I had put all my Harry Potter books in the dishwasher. I remember taking them out one by one and the covers were completely destroyed and half the book was ripped out. I was devastated. And I looked over at the chef at one point and said "I should have taken the covers off first." 

I don't think that would have made the condition of the books any less destroyed, but it made sense at the time.

Nightmare

Last night I had a nightmare. And it was awful.

I was at work, though the building I was in looked nothing like the building I actually work in. It was more like City Hall from Parks and Recreation, because it had a courtyard. 

It was the end of the day and I was the last person in the office, but for some reason I stayed for a while, just looking around. I guess I felt a little uneasy. I looked across the courtyard and saw a closet door open very slowly, and a clown walked out and looked around. I guess I should mention -- clowns tend to terrify me. Especially if they are out of place (i.e. not at a birthday party or circus). 

I remember I could barely breathe, but I summoned my courage and screamed at the clown to "GET THE F#%! OUT OF HERE." The clown looked my way and honestly looked just as scared as I felt, and he ran away.

So I took a few deep breaths, then walked around the hallways just trying to calm down. After a few minutes I glanced across the courtyard again and the clown was peering at me from around a bookshelf or something with a really creepy grin. 

I started screaming and I woke up with my heart pounding. 

Dolphins

This girl I know is getting married next year. We're not close, but last night I had a dream that she was trying on wedding dresses while surrounded by her bridesmaids (all unfamiliar faces). I have no idea why I was there, but I was.

One of the bridesmaids told her that she should smoke two packs of cigarettes on the morning of the wedding. "It's terrible for you, but you'll look amazing!"

This doesn't make sense, because as far as I know this girl doesn't smoke. Also, I am vehemently anti-smoking.

I started getting stressed out at this point, and I remember thinking that the perfect thing to calm me down would be to swim with dolphins. Fortunately, my parents had just installed an indoor heated swimming pool, complete with dolphins!

It was awesome. I actually swam with dolphins on my honeymoon in Mexico about four years ago, so in my dream I was a pro at interacting with them. I held on to their fins and they pulled me all around, then I'd float on my stomach and they'd push me into the air. I was having a blasty-blast.

I'm not sure how long the dream lasted, but it felt really long, so it was nice.

Although it did make it that much harder when my alarm went off at 6:00.

Victorian Water Slide

I'm a little fuzzy on the details of my dream last night, so bear with me.

I was at this old Victorian-style house for a party with my entire extended family. We were all acting really classy, because it was a nice house and there were waiters carrying around cheese and crackers. Also, there were two slides in the main room -- a regular slide and a water slide.

I actually have a fear of water slides. I will ride the tallest, meanest roller coaster all day if you give me the chance, but I will not do water slides. I don't mind them if I have an inner tube, but if it's just me and the slide...no.

• My back could be destroyed by a loose nail sticking up out of the slide
• I can't see where I'm going or what's going to happen if I lie down completely horizontally, as is required by most water parks
• Water could get in my eyes or up my nose and I won't be able to breathe
• I could get a wedgie. I could get a huge wedgie. 

Anyway, everyone was really enjoying themselves at this party when a middle-aged woman got up in front of everyone and said the reason we were all here was to give the house one last hurrah, because it was going to be torn down. Like everyone else at this get-together, I was pretty devastated. And I looked up at the water slide and decided that if this was going to be my last chance to ride a water slide in an old Victorian mansion, then by God I was going to do it. 

So I took Molly with me up to the rafters, planning on having her in my lap for the slide (I think this was for my benefit, not hers. Bad mother or worst mother?). I got myself all situated and was about to take off....when I woke up. 

So that was a close call. 

Prom

Had a dream over the weekend that I had to get ready for prom with like two hours notice. I went to the mall to get ready and told the hairstylist to just do something quick. So she just put my hair in a ponytail. Not an impressive ponytail, either. The kind of ponytail I used to give myself when I was in kindergarten. Or when my dad would try to do my hair.

Then I went all around the mall looking for a dress, but I couldn't find anything suitable so I ended up wearing the bridesmaid dress I wore to my BFF Amanda's wedding a couple of months ago. Funny story, there...in real life, I was feeding my baby before the ceremony and she threw up all over me and that very dress. This was about 20 minutes before we were all supposed to walk down the aisle.

With the help of the other bridesmaids, some paper towels, water, and a hairdryer, there was no visible stain on my dress by the time the wedding started. But it still smells like baby vomit.

So I ended up going to prom with a cheap hairstyle and a smelly dress. In the dream, not in real life. In real life, our limo broke down and we hitchhiked to prom. So...pretty even in terms of quality.

Separated

I had a horrible dream last night that my husband wanted us to take some time apart. He kept assuring me that it was only a trial separation, but it was just kind of understood that we weren't going to get back together. He even sent his parents over to pick up all of his stuff. It was all very amicable, but I was absolutely devastated.

At one point we were at this family event at this mansion-castle place that we had agreed to go to together before we split up. I kept reaching over to hold his hand or put my arm around him but had to stop myself at the last second when I remembered he didn't want to be with me anymore. And there was this huge lake in the backyard that was home to a narwhal. Without the horn. So I guess a whale?


He kept coming out of the lake to spray water on me, and that part was actually rather delightful.

For some reason near the end of the dream, we were all hanging out in the kitchen and Robin Williams came in and started doing some stand-up comedy. Everyone was really confused except for me. I was like "Oh! I've seen this bit online, it's hilarious. Shh, let him finish!" So we just kind of watched Robin Williams do some comedy act that somehow centered around a door stopper. One of these:



Anyway, there were some other parts of the dream that I can't remember enough details about to get into. The point is that Kyle left me and I woke up feeling completely miserable until I had verbal confirmation from Kyle that he had no intention of doing so.

Job Interview

Last night I had a dream I was in this old schoolhouse to interview for a fundraising job (I currently work in development). There were dozens of people applying for this job, and most of them were people I knew from high school, past careers, etc.

The guy who was interviewing would bring people into his office three at a time and only spend like five minutes with them. Right before my turn, my friend from my old job, Charity, came out and told me it was really weird and he made it seem like it was a completely different job, so everyone was confused.

So my turn finally came up, and I went in with these two girls I knew in high school. The other two girls just sat down, but I shook the guy's hand and introduced myself, and he seemed way too impressed that I actually took the time to do that.

Then he started describing the job, but was selling it to be something completely different from fundraising. Like some retail or server or cleaning job, I don't really remember. And I was about to interrupt him to make sure I was in the right place when the fire alarm went off (no worries, it was only a drill). So everyone went outside, and when it was over I was the only person who went back to to finish the interview.

I siad to the guy, "I just want to make sure you didn't have any more questions for me, and I actually wanted to clarify a few things with you," and he was like "Oh, that's really great of you, but I already gave the job to someone else. Her interview went a lot better." Which I thought was unfair because mine was interrupted by the fire drill, but whatever.

So I said, "Do you mind telling me what it was about me you didn't like? Maybe it's something I can work on." And he said, "You have this really strange habit of moving your tongue all over the place. It's so distracting, and you looked ridiculous. The woman who got the job just sat back very calmly, so that's why she got the job."

I said, "I had no idea I moved my tongue around like that. Thanks for telling me, I will try to remember that in the future." Then I left and found out my BFF Amanda got the fundraising job. And while I was happy for her, I was also like "Dude, you don't have any fundraising experience!" But we left the building together and I saw a scooter and was like, "Sweet, I've always wanted one of these!" so I rode it down the hill then asked Amanda "...Did I just steal a kid's scooter?" And she she said "Yes." So I walked it back up the hill and put it back where I found it then I walked home with Amanda.

Old Dreams Remembered

I made the genius decision to sign into my old e-mail account and do a search on the word "dream." The result is the following Gchat conversations between me and various people (mostly Kyle).

me:  I had a dream last night that my sister and I were invited to this high-end party

and we had to ride a flying bicycle to get there and I steered it into a muddy pond on accident

and it was really dark in this city, it kinda reminded me of Gotham city or whatever from batman

and we went in this area with all these conveyor belts for people

and they were being sorted into who was cool enough to go to this party or not, like a very advanced bouncer    

system

and I wasn't cool enough to go

me: I had a dream I was pregnant

and I had to find out from you (Kyle)

and I was mad, like "how is it you know before I do?"

and you were mad because you couldn't believe I forgot our trip to the doctor and having the sonogram done

me: I had a horrible dream the other day that I was on a double decker bus with all these puppies and kittens

and the bus caught fire and I tried to save them all but only two survived

and I woke up crying

(to my college friend Anna)

me: I had a nightmare about your wedding last night. it was your bachelorette party and we were all riding around in a limo and I realized that no one had gotten you a sash or crown or feather boa or anything that would imply that you were the bachelorette

  and I was really really upset about this

  so I took the limo and made it drive me four hours back home so you could have the ones from my bachelorette party

  and I made Kate go with me

and it wasn't until we were on the drive back up at like 3:45 that I realized, "hey Kate, we just missed the whole party...and I bet Anna would have rather had us there than a feather boa"

me: I had a dream that it was the wedding day and Kyle and I went up to do our first dance

  but the dance floor was really small and right by the door to the kitchens

  so people kept walking through us and crowding around and pushing each other

  it got out of control so we eventually just stopped dancing

  it was awful

me:  I had a dream we were in a synchronized swimming competition

  but we had to wear hoodies and jeans and such

KYLE: that sounds horrible

me: it was odd.

  then I went shopping for dresses with my mom and sister

  and my sister got the only wedding dress and I had to wear a bridesmaid dress

KYLE: oh dear

  that's not what you want

(to Kyle)

me: I had a dream we got married at our old middle school

 it was a few months before the wedding and we wanted to be officially married just to get the certificate in Ohio

  so we did it at the middle school

  and I wore my dress, but it was lame.

me: I had another dream someone was trying to kill me

  that's three nights in a row

  this time it was kind of like that movie Identity

  a mix of that and 10 little indians

  there were 5 people including me and you

  and one of us was the killer

  and it was in this cabin in the middle of the woods

  there was a kid, a teenager, me and you, and a middle aged guy

  it was the middle aged guy

KYLE: it always is

(to Kyle)

me: I had a dream that you made me four baked potatoes for dinner and you were upset when I couldn't eat them all

  then Daniel (Kyle’s brother) called because he had been kidnapped and he needed help getting out

so we took a motorcycle to get him, he was tied to a pole at the top of this waterfall fountain

  and he was playing hanging with friends, and if he guessed right he would have been able to go, but he only had one strike left and he didn't want to be thrown off the fountain so he called just in case

so we untied him and tried to get him on the motorcycle to leave but he wanted to go in the house and say goodbye to everyone first

I was really mad.

me: I had a wedding nightmare last night

it was the rehearsal dinner and I was upset because nothing was ready and I didn't have a dress for the rehearsal dinner

  and the officiant kept asking me when I wanted him to pass out bread

  and I was all "I didn't even know we had to pass out bread for this"

  but apparently we did. And all these people kept asking me questions, really detailed ones, about the wedding day and I had no answers

I woke up with my heart pounding.

me: btw I had a crazy ass dream. It took place on a tiny ship and it was from the point of view of a mouse and there was this whole caste system, from the janitor mice to the mice who were second in command to the king of the ship

  and the janitor mice were kind and fair and good

  and the assistant mice were corrupt and treated the janitor mice like crap

so the assistant mice started telling the janitor mice that they needed to come to their side, and the janitor mice always resisted, but one day they offered them too much to refuse

so the very day the janitor mice started to serve this evil king, the king turned on all of the mice and flooded the ship

  and that's when I woke up

KYLE: .....

 me: I know!

me:  I had a dream we were on our honeymoon in the middle of nowhere, somewhere west, and we had to stay in a two bedroom tent in a trailer park with my parents in the second room

me: I had a dream last night I was back in Athens and it was Halloween

Anna: awww

me: but like, way tamer than actual Halloween

and we were on union street, but people kept calling it main street

and they were having 26 days of Halloween, one for each letter of the alphabet

and it said "A is for Angry Birds, ghosts, ghouls, goblins"

Anna: what a stange dream

me: and there was gonna be a parade, and you, nicole, lisa and rebecca were holding hands blocking cars from union street

it was odd.

  

me: first we were hiking down the mountains leaving Switzerland

this is you and me by the way

then all of a sudden we were home and at some sort of craft outdoor market, and Jen (my sister) and I were laughing because it had all these weird shops for perfumes and lotions and dreamcatchers and stuff

  and we were on our way to a Josh Ritter concert, and at one point we were in the backseat of Josh's car and he was teaching us how to dance...from the front seat of the car, so that was strange.

then the dream changed again, and I was driving down I 27 to get to Thriftway, which used to be where Hobby Lobby is now. and I was waiting at a stop light and I saw a UFO

  and I had seen on TV that people were seeing a lot of UFOs in our area lately, so I was like "WHOA, they DO exist, this is crazy!"

then the UFO did a weird dip thing and purposefully crashed right in the intersection

 KYLE: lmao

 me: and out came all these T-Rexs and they started wreaking havoc on Colerain Avenue

 KYLE: omg

 me: I know, it gets better!

and I ran to the alley behind Thriftway to where the dumpsters were

  and I hid in a corner

and this crazy guy came up who had a gun and kept mumbling to himself about the dinosaurs and UFOs

  and he saw me and I was perfectly still

  and he started throwing bags of garbage at me

and when it left a group of civilized people came by and found me and were all like "IT'S NOT SAFE HERE, COME WITH US!!"

  so I ran with them, and it felt kinda cool because I was running really hard and fast and not getting tired, probably the adrenaline.

 and your aunt Teri was there and told me to run left

  (no idea where she came from)

  so I ran left and saw a huge tree, so me and the group of people started climbing all the vines

  and we had to work together to pull this net down to get to the top

  and we got to the top and looked out at the destruction

  and that's all I remember

when the crazy guy was throwing all the garbage bags on me he pulled his gun on me

  he was gonna shoot me, that's why he piled all the garbage bags on me, to muffle the sound

  but I wrestled the gun away from him and shot him

  that's right.

KYLE: wow

  just... wow

 me: I know, right?

so how did you sleep?

me: I dreamt I was driving along a really slippery road on my way to a fancy party

  and I slipped and drove off the road into a lake

  and I pulled it out all by myself and there was hardly any damage to the car, so that was good

  but when I got to the party no one seemed to care that I drove into a lake

me: crazy dreams last night!!

  it was long and detailed

first you and me were driving to a double date with Kaitlyn and Taylor

  and I got pulled over for speeding and got my first ever speeding ticket

  then we got to Fridays for our double date, and for some reason my mom was there

  and our portion of the check was $60, which we had to pay in nickels

  then we went to an Anberlin concert

  and it was outside and very small

and for some reason in the middle of their set you went up there and grabbed a guitar

 KYLE: lmao

 me: and Anberlin respectfully stepped aside for you to play

  but the mic wasn't working, and I had to bring another one over and turn it on for you

  then you dedicated the song to me, and it was "Impossible"

  you sounded really good!

   

me: I had the most horrible wedding nightmare anyone has ever had.

KYLE: you were delirious is all

  but tell me what happened

me: it started off great

my mom and sister and I drove up to the church, and it was all set up outside, which was odd because we wanted it indoors, but I was fine with it because there wasn't a cloud in the sky

  so I wanted to start getting ready so my mom and I went into the bathroom, and it was gorgeous with all these long long hallways into each individual stall

but when we got to the end we found out we had to swim under this wall to get to the changing room

  and the water was filled with sharks

so I had to swim with sharks and I was really scared

  then we got back outside and all these guests were arriving early

and the officiant wasn't there so I called the church and they said that the stuff set up outside wasn't for us, it was for another couple coming in like an hour

  and they said we never confirmed the church with them so they had nothing ready for us

  so I cried and yelled and became bridezilla and everyone was staring at me and finally the church guys said they'd have it ready in one or two hours

so we were gonna be really late to the reception and everyone was getting antsy and impatient

  meanwhile you still hadn't shown up, and neither had the photographers

  and meanwhile I realized I had forgotten to find a florist, so we had no bouquets

and my dress was ruined from swimming with the sharks

  so I was crying then I woke up and I couldn't breathe.

me: I had a dream that made me mad at you

you decided you wanted to be like Dexter, so you started killing people

  but you weren't following the code very well

  and after a while of not killing people you got bored and decided to kill Tornon (Kyle’s college friend)

I realize this is very strange by the way

  and I kept telling you that you needed to stop, but Tornon was defending you even though he knew you wanted him on the table

that was the first part of the dream

  in the second part we were supposed to meet at a hotel, but then a bear climbed out of this pond and went on a rampage

KYLE: you

  are

  crazy

 me: I know :(

me: oh! I had a dream that you surprised me with an autumn white water rafting trip

but you told me we were just going to go decorating pumpkins

  so I didn't bother to wear shoes

  and I had to go on this sporty hiking and paddling trip with no shoes and inappropriate clothes

me: I had a dream we went to a baseball game

and two bats went into the crowd during the game and I caught them both  and I was very popular

  then I went home and I was a roomie of Kate again

  and Kate had left out all these dishes from a feast we had had days ago

  and the apartment was filled with bugs

  it was awful

there were maggots in my bed and roaches all over the walls so the walls looked like they were moving

  it was awful

  

me: and I had a DREADFUL dream last night I was in my bedroom, and I open to a random page in this paperback book on my windowsill and it was filled with like four bumblebees

so I freaked out a little and swatted at them with something, but it turned out they weren't bees, they were BATS!!

  and they all flew out of my room and into my mom and dad's closet

  and I told dad about them and he said "oh, don't worry about it, they'll leave when they want to"

  and then I woke up shaking and panicking

then I guess I fell back asleep, but I didn't know I had! so in this continuing dream, I told dad about the dream of the bats and he said "that wasn't a dream, they're still up in my closet"

KYLE: lol

me: so I was freaking out again, so I decided to look through some scrapbooks to make me feel better

  and the pages were filled with ants!

and I couldn't get away from the bats, and I just knew that one of them had clung on to me when we left mammoth cave so it was all my fault and I woke up crying

me: I had a dream we were in Paris and I kept rushing around to all the places we want to see

and you kept leaving me to see other stuff you added to the agenda at the last minute

I was angry, but then we went to the Eiffel tower and it was romantic, so then I was ok

KYLE: good to know that for future reference :P

me:   well you shouldn't have been making a bunch of random day trips. We had to miss Napoleon's tomb.

me: Want to hear about my crazy scary dream?

 KYLE: oooo, it's been a while

 me: yeah this one is pretty messed up

 KYLE: go!

 me: me and you and David were in a car. David was driving, you were in the front seat and I was in the back

and we were going through some windy subdivision type of roads, so we were only going like 15 mph

  and I look out the window and see an old couple taking a walk together, and I thought that was very cute.

  and the old man held up a card, like a birthday card or something like that, and he smiled at me

  and I think I just kinda smiled back like "yes, sir, that's very nice

but then he walked up to our car and starts tapping on my window with the card

  and I was getting freaked out

  and he just kept saying "You'll see. You'll see."

  so I told David to speed up and get the hell out of there, but he couldn't go too fast on account of all the twists and turns in the road

so the old man keeps running alongside the car tapping on the window with the card, still saying "You'll see" in this really creepy way

  so finally I scream at him to leave us alone

  and he breaks the window with his elbow

  and I was screaming and scared, then I heard police sirens, and a cop on a motorcycle pulled up

  but that's when I woke up

me: OH I can tell you about the dreams I had last night!! Wanna hear?

KYLE: sure

me: well the first one was that I was waiting in this huge line of girls to meet Zac Efron to see who he wanted to date, and I won and he gave me one of those plastic rings that used to come in cereal boxes

  then I had a dream about my one-on-one training, but the guy had brought along fourteen colleagues, so I had to train 15 people in the board room with only two laptops, and it was awful

  

me: I had a dream that it was my job to move these eggs containing baby bunnies from inside the house to a little fenced in area outside in a meadow

  so I carried all the eggs out but I put them on the wrong side of the fence

  and they all hatched and the bunnies went everywhere

  and I had to catch them and put them back in the cage

  it was adorable